I've been asked about anger a lot this week.
I've been asked:
"how do I move through this world with this knowing
this knowing...through a paradigm that is designed for my destruction?"
I believe the knowing that I am not supposed to be here is a daily middle finger to those notions
I refuse to put my already vulnerable people in more danger by arming my music with more aimless anger, activating that -
activating them -
without taking into account that ammunition and violence is not taboo.
Anger is one stop on a train that is a range of emotions
it can be a start, but not the destination
but what do I need more of to exist?
I need love.
I was asked what love is this week.
and I spoke a maze to an answer that I believe in at this moment
that love is a synonym for all things that allow you to see another tomorrow
I've been turning sorrows into sonnets
like Mos Def said on "Respiration," "my narrative
I rose to explain my existence"
and to know that explanation isn't for anyone but myself, first.
the desire to heal is as strong as the will for a rose that must breathe through the concrete
it's an exercise.
and I'm learning that I don't have to be the solution, but to know that I have an effect no less.
today is not performative, we're showing up for ourselves if nobody else
I love to know that all the fungi that I've consumed in my life is still actively activated through me and probably in communication, still
in drawing me to my family
communicating beneath this soil of the shells that are these bodies
which is why I'm here, which is why I'm thankful
that I didn't die in my sleep
alive in this dream.
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